House For Sale? :
You may recall that we had sold the house… again… last week.  Well, just kidding.  This lady had an absolute fit last weekend trying to see the house.  This was all going on behind the scenes and I heard about it later.  She wanted to come by at 7 a.m., etc… that kinda trash.  Anyway, she and two friends come and see the house.  We talk about the trees, insurance, etc etc etc.

I thought they just wanted to look at the house.  We get a lot of that.  We’re on the main drag of town and many of our lookers are what I call "tourists".  They just wanted to see inside the house.  We have a fully restored 1920’s craftsman bungalow and folks stop all the time and ask about the house… or they did… until we put the house on the market.  Here’s an old photo from Dana’s first Father’s Day…

So, the lady made a full price offer and we were just negotiating a few of the details but when it came time to sign papers she "changed her mind" because she’s worried about the trees falling on the  house.  Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but…. weren’t those trees there the evening you called the agent at 9:30 at night insisting on seeing the house asap.  Were those trees there when you demanded to see the house at sun up the next day. 

Nimrod!

So, nothing has changed. 

Stalkers:
I officially have two.

Stalker #1: Tony.  Tony is also known as Millionaire Man around here.  He’s been looking at the house since July.  When he makes offers they are something ridiculous.  He keeps telling the realtor that I’ll get desperate soon.  (Note to Tony… You’ve made a serious mistake.  That mistake was underestimating me and how stubborn I can be.  Ask around, my stubborness can be frightening at times.  Enjoy your wait!).  In an effort to encourage me to get fed up quicker, Tony likes to sit outside the house in the dark, in the rain, etc. and stare through the windows.  He also likes to speed by me on his motor cycle while I’m taking out the trash and cuts a u-turn right in front of me.  Ooohhh…. real scary.  Well, I’m over it.  We’ve told the realtor that after 5pm today if Tony doesn’t have an acceptable (and signed) offer then I don’t want to hear anymore of his brilliant ideas and I will no longer tolerate his bizarre behavior. 

So… Millionaire Man…. if you don’t cut out this trash you’re going to meet policeman.  Test me… I dare ya!

Stalker #2:
I’m on one of the town’s boards as is Dana.  I met an individual through my board service that had always been friendly and polite.  He’d talk to me in the post office, etc.  Well, ever since Dana left this guy "drops by" the house offering to take the trash out, etc.  OK, so maybe he’s just being nice.  But he also stops me to tell me his wife’s upcoming travel plans, when she’s out of town, etc.  He’ll often inform me of things he’s seen me do (i.e. taking the trash out in the rain, playing with Anna Grace, etc.). He could have only seen me doing these things if he was parked down the street at the old hardware store and watching the house.  (Note: this guy lives several blocks away.) Well, on Thursday I was at the post office when this guy and his wife came to get their mail.  The guy goes to the counter and I’m left (unsupervised… heh heh heh) with the wife. 

Background info:  I have never acknowledged to this guy that I know what he’s up to.  I’ve always just played the "dumb blonde" and declined his offers for help, told him I love taking the trash out myself, etc. My plan has always been to decline any help, avoid him as much as possible but don’t make him mad by anything blatant on my part.  If he gets mad at me for being stupid and running my mouth, oh well. 

So, I introduce myself to his wife and tell her how nice her husband has been about offering to help me around the house and how sad he is every time she leaves town…. and how he just keeps stopping by…. offering to help… blah blah blah.  (See Don’t Underestimate Me above).

Anyhoo, all the blood ran from her face and she asked me how much help he’s been giving me.  I stuck to my story that he’s hasn’t given me any help because I really like doing these things myself but that her helpful little hubby is always knocking on my door and offering his services.  Then hubby came over and saw me talking to his wife… and heard our conversation…(mind you I kept this stupid little grin on my face the whole time… I have no idea what I’m doing…. I’m just telling your wife what a nice person you are….).  I thought the guy was going to fall out right there in the post office.  She shot him a look that informed me and him that his life would be ending at any moment.

So, let’s recap.
Stalker #1 will be arrested any day now and Stalker #2 was probably killed and buried in his back yard by an enraged wife sometime late last week.