Warning: Bad photography ahead

I try to be polite but it is not secret… I’m not a fan of Christmas.  I know that it is odd to have a person whose life is so rooted in her faith to actually say that but…its true.  I’m not a fan.  It is the stress level and all of the hub bub.  And the pressure… oh heavens… all of the pressure.  Not. A. Fan.

Until this year.

I, believe it or not, was actually looking forward to the Christmas season.  We’ve had about 4 really bad Christmases in a row and I thought that we should really celebrate this year.  I was looking forward to the season enough that I decided to join the ranks of what I refer to as “the Christmas freaks” (meant in love, of course) and decorate my tree over Thanksgiving weekend.

What I didn’t know was that Christmas is some sort of freakoid living being that has ears and holds a grudge.  A wicked grudge!!!! All these years that I have coyly said Woo Hoo Christmas is over what a great Christmas it has been… and so forth… Christmas knew I was really saying I. Hate. Christmas.  And then she decided that this year would be the perfect year to get revenge.

It all started yesterday when I decided to put the lights on the tree.  We bought our tree in 1999 and the department store left the lights on it.  But, after about 8 years, they died.  We took them off and I decided to replace them by putting them on in the same way as the department store.  We checked the lights, got the tree ready to go and got to work. Dana and I watched a movie, and worked and worked and worked.   We worked on those lights for 4 hours.  Let’s all say that together: Four. Freaking. Hours!!!!!!!

Today we get up and start to decorate the tree.  The lights won’t come on.  Dana fiddles with it for a little bit and figures out the problem and fixes it.  Let the tree decorating begin!!!

Anna Grace Decorating Tree

All was going well and everything was right with the world.  The birds were singing, the flowers were blooming and then half of the lights on the tree went out.   At the time of this crisis, the tree was about 1/3 – 1/2 decorated.  Dana couldn’t fix it.  They were all dead.  Attempts to replace fuses failed.

Newly Naked Tree with All Ornaments Removed…and Lights Dead. DEAD!!!!!!!

 

I began looking into getting new lights.  Although, these lights had just come out of the box, I had bought them about 2 years ago on an after Christmas sale.  So… I couldn’t exactly return them.  I thought that maybe we should put LED lights on the tree.  Then I saw the cost and realized that to cover our entire tree in LEDs, we would be spending nearly as much as a new tree.  But I didn’t want a new tree.  Based on all of the needles/leaves/whatchamacallits that fell off the tree during the light application adventure (that took…say it with me people…. Four. Freaking. Hours!!!!!), I knew the tree wouldn’t last more than a few more years but I still didn’t want to buy a new tree.

We did a little research and discovered that there was an LED pre-lit tree that was currently on sale for the same cost as buying LED lights for our tree.  So…off we go to Sears.

I get to Sears with the idea that I’m just looking and I’d really prefer to keep my current tree.  But, I look at the tree and I find one I like that, I have to admit, is cheaper than replacing the lights on our tree.  I really struggle with this because I firmly believe we shouldn’t just get rid of a  perfectly good tree.  Eventually, I run the numbers and, after much gut wrenching and complaining about how this is not what I want to do today… we take the little card to the cashier and proceed to buy the tree.

Then the cashier says the tree is out of stock. (Insert internalized, ulcer causing, hissy fit right. HERE!!!!)

And so we go to Lowe’s.  I have now decided that I am not (I. AM. NOT.) buying a new tree.  All other trees are too expensive.  Notnotnot!!!  We go to Lowe’s and the price on the LED lights is even more than we calculated before.  Small child is hollering about why she can’t decorate the tree and why is the tree broken.  Rinse and repeat.  I look at non-LED lights (while having flashbacks of…say it with me people… FOUR. FREAKING. HOURS…. of light installation) but they aren’t much cheaper than the LED lights.

And then we bought a tree.  A tree I like okay but a tree I wasn’t planning on buying because I have a perfectly good tree…. a heavily shedding tree….but a perfectly good tree… at home.  Defeated (and holding on to the Christmas spirit by a thread) we went home.

Dana Assembling Tree #2

 

Dana put up the new tree and Anna Grace and I started decorating the Christmas tree for the second time today.

Anna Grace Decorating the Tree

 

Me Decorating the Tree

 

And then it came time to put the angel on the tree.  I was trying to get a picture of Anna Grace putting the angel on top.  I tried and tried.

Anna Grace and the Angel

 

I tried again and again.  Anna Grace wouldn’t cooperate with the picture taking and the two of them couldn’t reach the top of the tree.  So… Dana went to get a step ladder and I was getting the perfect family photo when…..

The Perfect Family Photo

…when I fell over the rowing machine and flung, head first, toward the sliding glass door (and missed it by that. much.)  At the last minute I turned to stay away from the glass door and landed squarely on the hip that, until today, had not been hurting during this pregnancy.

And as I lay on the couch, recovering from the fall, watching FSU get their but kicked in the gamegamegame, and reviewing what a horrible day I had….

Dr. Anna Grace

 

… and while Anna Grace was patching me up, I came to a realization.  Christmas hates me.  And ya know what….the feeling is mutual, Baby!!!!!!!