It was 98 degrees here today.  We have no air conditioning except for a little portable thing that you can roll from room to room.  It helps a bit but it can’t  cool all that much.  Now, I should be used to such temps except let me clarify one thing… .in Florida…. you pay your a/c bill long before you worry about not having food to eat.  Trust me on this one.

But I didn’t always have a/c.  When I was a kid we lived in a house that only had little wall units and my mother couldn’t afford for us to run them all that often.  So, I spent my summers at home, with no a/c, and just burning up.  Between this life experience, times of losing electricity (and thus a/c) to hurricanes, and a few trips to third world nations I’ve learned a few tricks that I thought I could share with my Washingtonian knitting bretheren and anyone else who is just scorching out there. Because while there are methods for staying cool it is hard to find methods for staying cool and knitting at the same time.

None of these ideas will make you look attractive, sane, educated or "normal".  Each will only cause others to wonder just how shallow your gene pool really is.  Therefore, many of these should only be used when in  the comfort (or overheated discomfort) of your own home. They will, however, help to cool you off just a smidge. So here’s my little tutorial on how to stay cool this summer while not missing out on your knitting time.

Top 10 Forms of Redneck Air Conditioning… or How to Stay Cool and Knit too.

10. Wet Hair.   Do not underestimate the power of wet hair.  This works especially well if you have longer hair.  Put wet hair up in a pony tail.  A portion of it will remain wet most of the day thus making you  a smidge cooler.  You can repeat this method as needed throughout the day and then pick up the sticks and resume knitting.

9.  Wet a wash cloth and put it in the freezer.  Leave for 10 to 15 minutes (or longer if you’d like.) Take it out and put it on your neck.  Be smart.  When you take out one wash clothe  put another one in that way you have a continuous supply.  This method only interferes with the knitting when you are having to make the actual trips to the freezer.  Once the newly cooled wash clothe is obtained, get the sticks and you’re good to go.

8.  Chewing on ice or popsicles.  (Sno Cones also count.  Oh… and dentists will not be pleased to know that you are doing this!) Not ice cream.  A whole bunch of dairy when you’re already hot just makes you feel icky.  Which makes you feel even more hot. But ice and popsicles tend to cool ya down a bit without having to have that ice cream bloated feeling. (Note to teenagers…. chewing on ice was my #1 method for driving my father insane.  Absolutely insane.  So forget your sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll… the way to make your parents go right over the edge is constantly chewing ice.)  One great part to the chewing ice portion of this method…. no interference with the knitting.

7.  Soak your feet in ice water or cold water.  Repeat as needed.  Knitting may take place simulataneously but you must watch your yarn ball.  Wet yarn will do nothing to cool you down while knitting.   Trust me.

6. Rub ice on the back of your neck. Unfortunately it is impossible to do this and knit at the same time unless you posses a third arm.  Therefore, while this method is very useful it does not blend well with the fiber arts.

5.  Spray bottle.  Squirt yourself as needed.  Minimal knitting interference but do not squirt the knitting. I repeat.  Do not. Squirt. The. Knitting.

4. Only wear clothing that has that wicking fabric.  Who cares if you don’t exercise…. dress like you do.  And no tight clothes.  Just the loose fitting exercise stuff.  Also… bras with the wicking fabric help a lot.  Trust me on this.  This little gem has absolutely zero knitting interference.

3. Cold showers….. for obvious reasons.  And, I hope this is obvious as well…. you cannot knit while taking a cold shower.  I mean it. You can’t.  The yarn will rebel.

2. Wet T-shirt without the contest.  Take off your shirt and put it under the faucet. Drench it with cold water.  Squeeze out excess.  You want it damp but not dripping.  But the shirt back on.  Repeat as needed.  This also works well with socks but (and I speak from experience here) you can slip and bust you butt.  And yes, your bra will get wet.  So what, that will just further the cooling off part of this exercise.  In additon to working quite well, the benefits of this method can easily be enjoyed without interfering with your knitting.

And the number one form of redneck air conditioning…..

1. You + fan + bowl of ice.  Get a small to medium sized fan and aim it at you.  Get a large bowl of ice and place it between you and the fan.  The ice cools the air that is blowing toward you.  You will get a bit wet and you will also have to dry off the surrounding area and any nearby walls.  But it is well worth it. This method does not blend well with knitting. Just sayin’.

So there you go…. the top ten methods of redneck air conditioning. 

Toodles!