Building Permit and Not-So-Dumb Me

In addition to the indoor construction going on around here, we’ve also been having a fence put up.  The fence was initially set up and installed in a place I hated.  Dana said it need to be there because of yard slope, expense, etc.  I said it looked dumb and that it was going to cost him even more to landscape from the fence line to the property line to prevent the thing from looking silly.  Delightful discussions ensued and Dana put the fence where Dana wanted the fence.

Fast forward 4 weeks.

Dana and I are trying to figure out a plan to landscape from the fence to the property line (deja vu, anyone???) and trying to come up with a plan that won’t look dumb.  Meanwhile, I’m almost afraid to go in the yard anymore during the week because all the neighbors that walk by keep asking why we put the fence there.  I start growing a tad tired of these questions especially since I didn’t want the fence placed in its current location.  Then Dana figures out that hey… Kris may have had a point…. any money saved by placing fence in current location is now lost because of how much money landscaping costs.  Ahem!

So…. even though I think it nearly killed him…. Dana called the fence contractor back and hired him to move the fence.  I tried hard not to snicker or gloat but hey, nobody’s perfect. 

Fence contractor and Dana make a deal and now the fence will be moved.  On the day of, the installers knock on the door and ask me to point out the property line.  I am confused because they should know this if they got the permit that they agreed to get.  I call Dana, Dana calls the owner who says oops, sorry, he didn’t get the permit.  But, he promises that it isn’t a big deal and he can get it after the fact.  Let the guys to their work and he’ll go get the permit.

Days pass… no permit.  Plus, I’m fairly certain the fence is in our neighbors yard.  Dana contacts fence contractor who says to “leave it alone” and states that he mislead Dana (on purpose) because “you don’t want to open that can of worms” when it comes to getting a permit for a fence revision.  I then stated that I could go and get the permit and the fence guy implies that it is too complicated, I’m not savvy enough or it would be waaaaaaay too hard for someone “like me” to go and get the permit.  He then asks for $125 and he will go get the permit.

Let’s review: you’ve been paid to put in a fence and that payment included the permit you didn’t get and now you want to be paid to get the permit you’ve already lied about.  NICE!

In realizing that the fence guy thought I was a tad too…. ahem….. dense to pull a permit, I was a bit hurt.  And then I got mad.  I mean seriously… dude… you fill out an application, you pay the lady 55 bucks and voila!, you get yer stinkin’ permit!!!  Dana said he’d go but I thought that I would receive a tad more grace than he would and he was really hacked soooo…he’s going to have a hard time not telling the entire building department all about the fencing contractor and his dirty, rotten ways.

Partners in Crime

So what happened?  Well…. I thought and considered and thought and came up with a game plan.  Here’s what I did:

1.  I took Anna Grace, who is already a very active and inquisitive little kid, to the doughnut shop and bought her not one but two chocolate doughnuts.  On purpose.  I coordinated the time that I thought it would take for this child to be fully jacked up on sugar with the time that Jack Henry (6 weeks old at this time) to be hungry and screaming for his next feeding.  When that perfect storm began to form, we entered city hall.

2. As I approached the counter, I told Anna Grace that if she was really good, we could go to McDonalds, a place she is never, ever, able to go.    I didn’t tell her when or where…intentionally.  Anna Grace then began jumping up and down and asking how long until we go to McDonalds, am I being good, are we still going to McDonalds? Are we? huh? huh? huh?  etc.

3. I went to the building department and explained my issue.  I explained the situation with the contractor while trying to not speak too poorly of the guy and began to ask building department for help.  I was told to fill out an application and I did while JH fussed and AG asked, again, about that trip to McDonalds.  I was told to draw the proposed fence changes on our survey.  I gave dazed and confused look, poor woman took pity on me and explained exactly what I needed to do.  AG and JH…. nothing has changed there and I apologize to the lady for the fussy kids.

4. Building department lady begins to ask about JH, she can’t believe I had to come down there with a baby that young, what was that contractor thinking when he wouldn’t take care of this for me, what is the world coming to, etc.  Building department lady determines that it is just silly to make me do 2 of the forms as I “already have my hands full”.

5.  AG begins talking to another lady working at city hall and asks if there is a basement.  Lady says there is and offers to take AG to the basement after we’re finished.  AG thinks this day has serious potential to be totally awesome.

6. I pay fee for permit and then ask if I need to pay a fine.  Building department lady tells me that I’ve been through enough and she has waived the fine.   She then tells me that zoning will review my permit and then I’ll be ready for inspections.

7.  City Hall lady takes AG, JH and me to the basement.  On the way down in the elevator AG asks “are we on a field trip?”.

Me.…thinking….thinking….thinking…… Why sure…that’s it.  We’re on a field trip.  That’s the ticket!  

AG tours entire basement, sees cool antique safe, rides elevator back to first floor and declares that city hall is quite cool.

We then leave city hall, go to McDonalds as promised and I spend the remainder of the day dealing with a really jacked up 6 year old who can. not. stop. talking!!!!!

8.  Five days pass and I get a call to come pick up my permit.  I now have to call for inspections….inspections that, if I’m right, we won’t pass and I’ll have a bit of drama on my hands.  If contractor-who-shall-remain-nameless is right, then we’ll pass inspection, my fence will be legal and all will be well with the universe.

9.  I go to city hall…. 2 kids in tow…. and pick up permit.  I get my instructions and I turn to leave.  As I’m walking out of city hall I hear the permit lady calling over to the inspectors office.  I hear her mention our address and she tells the inspector about the contractor, tells him to not give me a hard time and informs him that I’m having to come down there with a “fresh baby” and I look “just wore out”.  She also informs him that issues with the fence are the contractors fault, not ours and that they just need to be nice and tell us what we need to do. Gotta love that lady!

10.  I come home, call for my inspections and tape the permit to the window and wait.  Dana comes home and I tell him about the whole process, etc.  Dana then informs me that I am officially the queen of the Jedi mind trick.

BAHAHA!

😉