If….

If you were expecting a poem by Rudyard Kipling, you are really out of luck.

If….

If one more person refers to my “advanced maternal age” they will get my size 12, purple Croc shoved right where the sun don’t shine. Any questions?????

If….

If you sit in an OB’s waiting room with a bunch of half-naked, pregnant 20 year olds….and you are wearing your granny glasses….your self image WILL take a major “hit”.

If…..

If you have a wicked case of vertigo, your knitting speed will greatly decrease.

If….

If you don’t want to get smacked, don’t tell me my food choices/interpretation of the conversation/food aversions/determination that something smells awful might be due to hormones.  Seriously! Dude!!!!

If…

If it is really autumn then temperatures in the 90’s should be prohibited.

If…

If your telephone voice sounds very much like an obscene caller, then you are not the best choice for making healthcare reform robo-calls. (I’m talkin’ to you Alan Grayson!!!!)

If…

If a wealthy man shoots and kills his wife in a hoity toity subdivision, do we really have to interview his former high school girlfriend and call these high school memories front page news?????

If…

If Dana keeps taking this webinar class (which can be heard throughout the whole house) and the teacher has a delightful accent…. is it wrong if I start to imagine that David Reidy has come to visit????

If…

If you spend 2 or 3 days ignoring all the Ravelry forums your level of paranoia, anxiety and belief in conspiracy theories greatly decreases.  ‘Tis true… you should try it!

If…

If you are a proponent of Once a Month Cooking but you also get queasy at the sight of food…much less the site of a month’s worth of food at one time…. your freezer can get mighty bare.

If…

If I don’t take my grumpy self away from the computer, I’m never going to get anything done today!!

Carpe Llama, y’all!!!